This is the song I currently have playing on repeat…all week!
So as the 2017 approaches, shit starts getting more real for me. I fucked up big time y’all and I realize it more and more. I slipped up and caught feelings for my cutty buddy. I’m a G! I’m not suppose to catch feelings man. After all of the punany chats I had with myself prior to arriving at his crib, it didn’t work. I found myself laying next to him, curled up deep within his chest feeling like the invisible girlfriend.
I was invisible because I allowed myself to do the GF shit with him, meanwhile when I admitted to him that I had feelings, he ignored me. OUCH! It hurt but at the same time, it didn’t because I knew deep down inside how he felt – and that was just good when he was inside of me. Once he came and we laid next to one another, his feelingsbwere left inside of that used condom that swirled and danced its way around the toilet bowl before it disappeared into darkness.
I did this to myself and I’m strong enough to admit it. I knew from the beginning that I wasn’t
meant built to just have sex with a guy and leave it there. This was the same reason why I had started keeping my pudding to myself-I deserve more.
So Sunday after I left his crib, I texted him and informed him that I had feelings for him and I wasn’t the type to not confess it. I knew me telling him would go cold and it did. He never replied so when I followed up a few hours later, he stated he wasn’t ignoring me and blah blah blah. Cool. No biggy at all. I hated the fact that I told him bit at the same time, I really didn’t care. I put myself out there with the high expectation of him not really answering.
Well the other night I said fuck it. I’m going to get one more session in before I chop his ass to the 2016. I sent him another text. I told him how I couldn’t bring him into 2016 because I would just get my feelings hurt. I lied. They were already hurt. I told him that I want to see him this week…Thursday into Friday.
I changed my mind. As of this evening, I’m done for good. I can’t keep giving myself to someone even if it is strictly sex. I’m built for more than just sex and if he can’t see and want that, then he can keep his ass in 2016 with all of the flushed condoms. I’m leaving a lot of everyone in 2016 as of tonight – fuck waiting on the 12/31/2016 12:00am! I won’t go back to being cold hearted but I will be more conscious and aware of the early signs that avoid this same episode.
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